Conflict is a natural part of any relationship, from friendship to familial, and romantic partnerships are no exception. In fact, it’s quite common for couples to experience disagreements and arguments from time to time. They’re pretty much everyday things now. While these conflicts can be challenging, painful, and even cost the relationship at worst, they are also an opportunity for growth and understanding. To forge ahead ever stronger, to build healthier, more resilient relationships, it’s crucial to explore why couples fight and the reasons behind their conflicts.
The main reasons as to why couples fight boil down to a few topics but then they have an overcasting umbrella to all the other ones. These are: money, communication styles, and tone of voice. Just as you probably didn’t know that, perhaps you will know more here and maybe about yourself as well.
Understand Each Other’s Money Mindset
The best way to know about a problem is to know that it is there
Money is one of society’s greatest taboo topics and if the relationship is serious then it will come up one way or the other. Getting on the same page even when it comes to the topic book is of utmost importance. If the finances aren’t adding up then most people will chalk it up to failure. How can there be a couple if you can’t even support one of you? Sure it’s possible (just look at the Gift of the Magi) but it just adds a complexity to a world full of them.
Make sure your money minds are right. Talk about upbringing too, if one person was raised poor then that trauma of saving and never having enough will be prevalent throughout the relationship. Also, what is your focus is, do you want to spend or save at the time being? Is there a big purchase you’re gearing towards and so on.
Communication Breakdown
As stated, a big culprit behind couple fights is a breakdown in communication. Misunderstandings, misinterpretations, and a failure to effectively convey one’s thoughts and feelings can all lead to heated arguments. Often, couples assume their partners understand them implicitly, leading to unmet expectations and frustration. Remember the first sign of a complete and total collapse is communication or lack thereof. And that goes with everything not just relationships.
Please take note that your partner is not a mind reader nor do they have to be. Open and honest communication is key to putting them at ease. Practice active listening, express your feelings calmly, and encourage your partner to do the same. Remember that it’s okay to disagree, but try to maintain respect and empathy during discussions.
Unresolved Issues and Resentment
Over time, unresolved issues and pent-up resentment can build like a pressure cooker from their passive aggressiveness, eventually exploding into a fight. These issues can range from past conflicts that were never properly addressed to unmet needs or expectations. Some people choose that they rather not fight, ultimately choosing to grin and bear it until they can’t anymore. Either that or they hold what you did or said against you for months while it simmers while you don’t remember anymore what you did.
When a person tells you that you hurt them, you don’t get to decide that you didn’t
Make an effort to address problems as they arise rather than when they happen and sweeping them under the rug. Seek compromise and work together to find solutions that satisfy both partners. Forgiveness and letting go of past grievances can also be essential for a healthier relationship. If the problem is as critical as cheating is for so many then seek professional help by the way of counseling should both continue to want a relationship
Differences in Values and Beliefs
Going in, couples may have differing values, beliefs, or goals. More importantly, they can go directly against your own which, needless to say, can lead to disagreements. These can range from differing political views, religious beliefs, career aspirations, lifestyle choices, or even career paths.
Recognize that differences are natural in any relationship. Instead of trying to change your partner’s beliefs or values, focus on finding common ground and respecting each other’s perspectives. Healthy compromise can help bridge the gap. There’s a reason why you overlooked all of those differences and still pursued a relationship. Realizing those things is the way to leverage what can be overcome.
Stress and External Pressures
External stressors, such as financial difficulties, work-related stress, or family issues, can spill over into a relationship. Couples often take out their frustrations on each other, leading to arguments.
Practice stress management techniques individually and as a couple. Create a supportive environment where you can both express your worries and work together to find solutions. Consider seeking external support, like therapy or counseling, to help navigate particularly challenging situations.
Power Struggles
Power struggles can manifest in various ways in a relationship. This could involve one partner feeling dominated or controlled, leading to resistance and conflict. It’s not necessarily wanting to be your own person (since you’re a couple) but knowing you still have the same liberties.
Healthy relationships are built on equality and mutual respect. It’s a complex dynamic but it can be done. Address any imbalances in power dynamics and strive for a partnership where both partners feel heard, validated, and valued. Also, make sure there is no form of financial abuse. Those have been done so long now that it seems commonplace in relationships and even families but they should be anything but.
Emotional Triggers
We all have emotional triggers from our past, which can surface during arguments. These triggers are often unrelated to the current issue but can intensify conflicts. You will probably know your partner better than anyone on Earth. You know their weakness and their insecurities and that can be a dangerous combination.
Practice self-awareness and recognize your emotional triggers as well as theirs. Communicate these triggers to your partner so they can be more understanding and supportive during disagreements. Seeking therapy or counseling can also be beneficial in addressing deep-rooted emotional issues.
The Right Tone
The things we say can’t really hear back to ourselves like we would an email in real-time, it just doesn’t happen because it can’t. Too many people say what they feel and don’t think before they begin to say speak. Words will never break but they can hurt and if it’s someone that you care for then it is tenfold.
If you are upset with them then make it known, you don’t need to hide your feelings or else you risk of exploding on them. Express yourself truly, if you are annoyed, frustrated, or upset with them then let it known. But do not say that everything is fine when it’s not and have a tone of venom. Just convey why you’re upset and try to come to an agreement.
Couples Fights can be Taken out Entirely by Simply Being Nice to One another Constantly
The thing is to just be nice, it isn’t a complete secret. Treat them just a bit better than a stranger if you have to. Couples fight for various reasons, but it’s essential to remember that conflict, when handled constructively, can lead to personal growth and stronger relationships. By addressing communication breakdowns, resolving issues promptly, and fostering empathy and understanding, couples can navigate conflicts more effectively and build lasting, fulfilling partnerships. Remember, the goal isn’t to eliminate all fights but to transform them into opportunities for connection and growth.
